Spare – Book Review

Spare by Prince Harry

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


Let me start by saying that I have always been a fan of Harry’s. Growing up in country where the British monarch is supposedly our ruling head (insert eye roll here) I had some familiarity with the royal family and Harry always seemed like the cool, fun one. I enjoyed watching him dancing on his visit to Jamaica and famously racing Usain Bolt. I was happy when he was getting married and knew nothing about his bride. I had never even heard of the tv show Suits. I was extra pleased when I learned she was half black. I watched the wedding and liked some of the American elements that were added and thought her wedding dress was boring. Since then, I have watched the dramas from a distance. I know the British press can be cruel but didn’t pay close attention. I did not watch the Oprah interview and have no plans to watch the Netflix series. I’m not quite sure what made me pick up this memoir.

Part 1 – The School Years

It is in part 1 that the death of his mother was discussed. I found myself with tears listening to a wounded, little boy trying to grapple with the death of someone he loved dearly with no emotional support whatsoever. The cold, stark upbring was very clear in this section of the book as he described her death, the aftermath, and his years in boarding school. This was my favorite part of the memoir by far. I definitely felt a burning desire to give Harry the boy a hug and I was grateful that he described a couple who seemed to be surrogate parents for him. I found his “Pa” incredibly distasteful – but this sentiment is not new.

Part 2 – The War Years

There were definitely parts in this section that dragged on. The descriptions felt long-winded and unnecessary. If I had been reading I would have skimmed over large chunks. I did enjoy hearing about his military training and experiences overall, but there were times where I was concerned that he was revealing too much detail. I did find the quantifying of the people he had killed to be distasteful. I very much appreciated his discussion of his issues with PTSD, substance use and anxiety. These are issues many grapple with so shining a light on them may encourage others to seek help.

Part 3 – The Meghan Years

This was by far my least favorite part of the book. This is the point where Harry began to feel whiny to me. He seemed unaware of his privilege and to just expect everyone to behave the way he wanted them to behave. There were parts where it felt like he was trying too hard to convince us that Meghan was innocent (she didn’t even look at the ring, she had never googled them, etc). Some of the claims were downright preposterous. I struggle to believe that a woman in this day and age wouldn’t google anyone they were being set-up with but most certainly if he was a Prince. Meghan had spent a fair amount of time traveling to London so she would clearly have had some familiarity with the Royal family. I realize that she may not have understood the depths of what she was getting into, but I don’t buy the repeated claims that she knew nothing of his family.
Once again in this section I found Charles distasteful. Harry’s claims that Charles didn’t like anything that upstaged him were very much in keeping with Charles’s behaviors over the years. None of those revelations felt salacious or particularly earth shattering. I felt sad reading about a sibling relationship that now seems irrevocably broken.

I did love the Epilogue where he paid tribute to The Queen on her passing. I felt his yearning here for a “normal” relationship with his grandmother.

With Meghan I feel as though Harry was infatuated with her and wanted everyone to immediately love her. When that didn’t happen, he interpreted that as obstructionism. A big brother telling you to move more slowly is not necessarily bad advice. If William found her difficult that doesn’t mean he was jealous or not wanting Harry to be happy. Many families have in laws that everyone doesn’t love. It felt naive to me that Harry thought that Meghan would suddenly make everything right with the world. That’s just not how life works.

Summary

His dislike of the paparazzi and the media are well understood but the coverage of that in the book was overkill for me and became tiresome. Instead of garnering sympathy I found myself needing him to stop going on and on about the paparazzi. I was not familiar with some of the coverage Meghan had received and the racist statements were indeed disgraceful and Britain and the Bristish public should be ashamed especially as they have so many Black citizens as part of the commonwealth. I am bothered by what feels like hypocrisy to me to say you hate the media and scrutiny but then invite the world in via tell all interviews, documentaries, and even this book.

I decided to try audiobooks for the first time and very much enjoyed hearing this story told in Harry’s actual voice. I’m not sure I would have enjoyed this book if I had been reading it. The writing is ok but definitely long winded at times. I dis chuckle many times listening to him describe some exploits. The Press has definitely dramatized the snippets and they are not nearly as dramatic when heard in context as they would initially appear. There really were no bombshells. In this respect, the press has done exactly what Harry has accused them of.

Do I buy every claim made in this memoir – Nope! Do I believe Harry and Meghan are the only villians – Nope! Do I believe that just because someone is privileged they can’t have demons – Nope! The level of vitriol leveled at these people is stunning to me. People are firmly team Harry and Meghan and so hate William and Kate or team Royal Family and so hate Harry and Meghan.
I find that bizarre. These people’s lives have no bearing on our own so why do we have so much anger and hatred? If you don’t want to read this book – don’t. Just like any other book out there.

Harry strikes me as a wounded boy trapped inside a grown man. He has struggled his entire life to define himself within the monarchy while also loathing the fact that he is very much a tangential member of the system – much the way Princess Margaret was. I personally can’t imagine being forced to live in that fishbowl with all the rules and formalities but without any opportunity to ever be in charge. I sincerely hope he gets the help he needs to truly let go of the anger and find the joy he has been searching for his entire life.



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